Dear and From
by GlowingGoddess
Summary: There's an Apollo on drugs, an gay Ares, a slutty Artemis, tomboy Aphrodite, hunky Hephaestus, lazy Hermes, sober Dionysus, Zeus on crack, Hera's probably been drinking, and Athena is... stupid? Don't forget emo and depressed Hades, A Poseidon who can't swim, cereal hating Demeter, and more! The HOO trio send a letter to Olympus to find out more on Percy Jackson. Big mistake!
1. Apollo

**Meh. I know I haven't updated in a while… I'm sorry, but I DO have school. EMG. EMG. IMMA DIE. SO MANY TESTS. RAWR. GABIGLKD.**

**Ok… anyways…**

**New story! XD**

**Disclaimer: Me no owns PJO… :(**

**KEEP IN MIND THIS IS A PARODY.**

Chapter One: Apollo

Have you ever wondered what the gods thought of Percy Jackson? Yup. _THE _Percy Jackson. Well, Jason, Piper, and Leo would like to find out. And, to get some info, they decide to ask the gods! Oh Joy.

_Dear Olympus,_

_I know you guys are all busy and stuff wiping peoples memories and umm… having fun with mortals and stuff, but we'd appreciate if we could get some info on Percy Jackson. I mean, we have been here for like three months and no one is telling us anything!_

_ So, we have asked you (really nicely). Please reply!_

_ Sincerely, _

_ Jason, Piper, and Leo_

* * *

_Reply From: Apollo: God of gay guys, sparkles, the sun, music, sparkles, and Barbies._

_ Like OMZ guise! Percy is like my biffle! You know? We're like homies. Home dawgs. Buds. Umm… biffles. Anyways, we're like super tight. There was like this one time when Artemis was busy __**messing**__ with Kronos or Atlas or whatever and I got lonely… :( So I called Percy up and we like had fun! (No not that kind of fun you perverted little peoples. **I KNOW YOU WERE THINKING IT.**) _

_We dressed up like hobos and made out with random girls (kinda)! By making out with random girls I mean we had a dance battle in the back of a cargo train. YAHH. SWAG. YOLO. BE JEALOUS. WE GOT SWAAGGGG. YOLO. Also, we cooked pancakes on a trashcan fire. Yeah we made pancakes. Be jealous. BE JEALOUS. I COMMAND YOU._

_ He's sexy. I'm sexy. Yah…_

_~Apollo out home dawgs! _

**Lol guys. I really have no idea what I'm typing. Bored with science homework and that was just a weird burst of inspiration.**

**~GG out!**

**OH YEAH WAIT!**

**REVIEW AND …**

**WHO DO YOU WANT TO WRITE THE NEXT LETTER?**

**Leave it in a review Please! :)**


	2. Ares

**I am making a commitment. I am known to be very lazy. So, I'm making a promise to you guys, I will update every week. Let's just hope I keep my promise. I'm not swearing on the Styx though…**

** Ares**

* * *

_ Dear Mount Olympus, _

_Err… thank you Apollo for writing that… informative letter. But, out of all you godly peoples up there… we only got one letter back. D: Come on! You guys are freaking immortal! Don't you have one freaking spare moment to freaking write a freaking letter to us?!_

_ Thanks a lot,_

_ Jason. Piper, and Leo_

* * *

_Reply From: Ares, god of happiness, cake, cupcakes, sparkles, baseball bats, pencils, texting, and war_

_ Punks! U dare talk tah meh like dat? Lyk dudes, dat is lyk, sooo uncool yo. Bsidez Percy Jackson iz stuuuuppidd anywayz. He pretendz he'z all lyk macho and everything. Psh. I remeberz thiz one tyme when he waz lyk twelf and the stuuuupid idiot challenged ME to a bake-off. It took lyk forevz yo. He waz all lyk: I CAN'T MICROWAVE THIS CUPCAKE D: And I waz like, you idiot! You don't microwave frozen cupcakes! I didn't even know cupcakes could be frozen… O.o _

_Anywayz, I was all lyk "BAM" and created a super sexy pretty ahmahzaying sparklie pink unicorn cake. And the idiot microwaved a frozen cupcacake. Which turned out to be a potato. And the potato had fun with a turnip and made a celery. Ahh luv. LURVE. LURVE IS AHMAHZAYING. It make the world go round. _

_LYK OMZ. THAT REMINDS ME. I LURVE ONE DIRECTION. Day r lyk so hawt. Hazza all's lyk sexi with hiz like messed up hair and four tits. Nini's just lyk EHMIGAWD. Louis's all lyk carrots! And I'm lyk cupcakes! And then yah. Liam brings on the Payne yo! And Zayn's all like Edward Cullen._

_LIVE WHILE WE'RE YOUNG IS THE ANSWER TO YOLO OMZ._

_Kay' baiiiiii guiseeeee_

_~Ares_

_**How waz this? :D I love One Direction. I'm supposed to be doing math homework. Thanks guiseeee! Review with who you want next! Bye!**  
_

_**~GG out**_


	3. Artemis

**Okay okay, I know the Mark of Athena already came out and Percy and Jason had their bromance, but this story has to be finished! :) So let's pretend that never happened… k? :)**

**Oh yeah, most of you guys requested Artemis, so… here's Artemis!**

* * *

Jason, Piper, and Leo we're just enjoying their lunch in the pavilion when an arrow nearly impaled Leo's head.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Bajeezus! I already said I was sorry!" Leo exclaimed. You see, this tends to happen quite a lot after Leo's magic table, Buford, destroyed the Apollo cabin.

But, alas, this arrow wasn't from the Apollo cabin. Instead, it was glowing sparkly silver… with hot pink… lingerie hanging from it. And a note. Yeah, notes are important too.

"Hey home dawgs! Check this out, yo!" Jason stupidly said.

* * *

_From: Artemis: the goddess of sex, condoms, elevators, hair flips, bras, panties, and other stuff_

_ Hey hot stuffs. This note is way to hard to write so I made a video instead. Put your finger on that yellow dot below._

And sure enough, there was a yellow dot. Piper pressed her finger against it and a magical light full of rainbows and unicorns magically appeared. Then, when all the sparkle and Edward Cullen fairies disappeared, they saw Artemis. Maybe a little _too _much of Artemis.

She was in a tiny black bra that was two sizes too small and barely there underwear.

"Unf." Leo groaned. "My ovaries just exploded."

"But I thought you were a guy…!"

"…"

Artemis had a pole. And her legs were wrapped around it and she was currently licking it. She flipped her hair and smiled seductively.

_So, you guys wanna know about Percy Jackson huh?_

Artemis raised her eyebrows and laid on the bed that… randomly appeared.

_Ooooh. Percy Jackson's hot. Dayum…. Man, I'd bang him any day, anytime. But, that stupid daughter of Athena's competition. I don't even see how. _

Artemis made a disgusted face and slapped her ass.

_Watevs. It was a couple years ago. He was thirteen I think. After going to a strip club with Atlas, I met up with Percy on Mount… I forgot. Oh well, it was somewhere. I think Jason's been there…_

The goddess made a duck face and shoved her boobs at the camera.

"Sexy…" said Leo breathlessly.

Artemis turned on some 'romantic music' and started swaying from side to side.

_I offered to take him back to my palace. I already had everything set up . Oh I can just imagine it… Him stroking my hair and more… hehe._

Piper's eyes widened. "Ewww…"

_But, he turned me down! What idiot does that? TELL ME? TELL ME!_

Artemis started… well let's not get into that okay?

After she calmed down, Artemis started talking again.

_Oh well. Enough about Percy Jackson. I'll keep flirting with him and seducing him. It'll work one day. Trust me. Instead, let's talk about you and me! Jason? Leo?_

"Okay… I'm leaving now."

"Suit yourself Piper."

_Anytime you feel like you need anything… well… Iris message me k? I got a pack of condoms right over there. _

She winked.

And Leo died.

The doorbell rang.

_Oh look! My two o-clock's here. Toodle loo! _

The video ended in a burst of fruity perfume smelling smoke.

Jason wondered what Artemis's two o-clock appointment was. Leo's dead. And Piper… idk. Who really cares? She's just a Mary Sue anyways.

**Haha! The End! There you guys go! Remember to review! :) And who do you want me to write about next? And no, I don't hate Piper. She's pretty cool I guess. **

**This was pretty short... sorry. Which god/goddess is next? It's up to you!**


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